This is basically just a pointless rant.But hey! It's my blog.
I had a dream about a really nice yellow bowl last night.O.o
Yes,a bowl.A new one that I had bought and was in absolute love with.
Maybe it symbolizes the current situation of my life.or maybe it was just a meaningless dream.
My life is at a turning edge.
It's a lot like the bowl.It's looks all new and exciting as far as I can see.But because I'm still dreaming,it's a little hazy and scary,too.
I feel stranded.isolated.Like Tom Hanks in Castaway.:P
But here,I'm neither on the shore not drowning in sea.I'm lost somewhere in the midst of the storm,with the knowledge that I'm going to come out of it alive.
But,oh,it's hard.No,I'm not cribbing.I know I'm headed off to a much better place in life.After all this struggle,I know that.
All the newness is a little too much to take in,it's thrilling,and scary and downright confusing.
I have a sinking feeling in my stomach,the one that you get due to anxiety.and it just refuses to go away.
My father says it's just the fear of the unknown that's bothering me so much,really.and that it will vanish with time.
I really hope it does.because I feel trapped in a snowglobe of a world.I have no idea who to call,everyone is either busy or already have a pattern of everyday life.I feel left out,like a little kid.
And the only thing that can comfort me is Nostalgia.Instead of sadness and the feeling of loss that accompanies it,It makes me feel a lot better! To think of my days back at elementary school..how the walls always had murals of bears and other animals,the silly games we played.And the food I used to love as a kid.Drumsticks,Sweet corn soup,Ketchup (Duh!) and Biscuits dipped in water.(Yeah,I was an extremely weird kid.It tastes really nice though,you should try it sometime.)Eating ice cubes was like the best thing ever. and it's somewhow endearing that they still manufacture little mary jane school shoes with a yellow flower print on the inside,like they used to when I was four years old.
The wonderful tenth grade memories,with friends I know I could never replace.and even talking to these old friends calms me down.Well,they have moved on unlike me,most of them,anyway.and they're happy with their new lives and they have new friends...but they still make me feel the same warmth and comfort.
Am I trying to use the comfort of the known to make the fear of the unknown go away? I can only wonder.
I had a dream about a really nice yellow bowl last night.O.o
Yes,a bowl.A new one that I had bought and was in absolute love with.
Maybe it symbolizes the current situation of my life.or maybe it was just a meaningless dream.
My life is at a turning edge.
It's a lot like the bowl.It's looks all new and exciting as far as I can see.But because I'm still dreaming,it's a little hazy and scary,too.
I feel stranded.isolated.Like Tom Hanks in Castaway.:P
But here,I'm neither on the shore not drowning in sea.I'm lost somewhere in the midst of the storm,with the knowledge that I'm going to come out of it alive.
But,oh,it's hard.No,I'm not cribbing.I know I'm headed off to a much better place in life.After all this struggle,I know that.
All the newness is a little too much to take in,it's thrilling,and scary and downright confusing.
I have a sinking feeling in my stomach,the one that you get due to anxiety.and it just refuses to go away.
My father says it's just the fear of the unknown that's bothering me so much,really.and that it will vanish with time.
I really hope it does.because I feel trapped in a snowglobe of a world.I have no idea who to call,everyone is either busy or already have a pattern of everyday life.I feel left out,like a little kid.
And the only thing that can comfort me is Nostalgia.Instead of sadness and the feeling of loss that accompanies it,It makes me feel a lot better! To think of my days back at elementary school..how the walls always had murals of bears and other animals,the silly games we played.And the food I used to love as a kid.Drumsticks,Sweet corn soup,Ketchup (Duh!) and Biscuits dipped in water.(Yeah,I was an extremely weird kid.It tastes really nice though,you should try it sometime.)Eating ice cubes was like the best thing ever. and it's somewhow endearing that they still manufacture little mary jane school shoes with a yellow flower print on the inside,like they used to when I was four years old.
The wonderful tenth grade memories,with friends I know I could never replace.and even talking to these old friends calms me down.Well,they have moved on unlike me,most of them,anyway.and they're happy with their new lives and they have new friends...but they still make me feel the same warmth and comfort.
Am I trying to use the comfort of the known to make the fear of the unknown go away? I can only wonder.
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