Monday 9 June 2014

The Last first time

Desks with graffiti carved out all over the tops,names and dates and places I will never know,favourites and lyrics the only form of familiarity.Looking down at it feels like describing unity,being somehow strangely connected to every kid who once sat here,carving out their niche in the world,leaving traces the future would fail to recognise,and time would acknowledge,anyway.
The last first day of school you'll ever have,they all said,and the finality of it all hits home like a hurricane.
The courtyard is sprawling with little girls walking hand-in-hand with their parents to their first ever day of school,the entirely sentimental scene of taking the first school photographs occupies these young parents and in the midst of all of it,I'm not sure how to feel.
Calling the school experience bittersweet would be too much of an understatement,really and like a friend of mine says "School is our normal." Call it sucky,sleep through most of it,or wake up with a smile because you have a home,a niche,that nurtures your heart,lets you be,it's all too overwhelming to even digest that it's going to slip away soon,and you're going to be out of school and it feels more like being school-less,like some sort of abandonment that orphans you of a home.
I've loved school and I've detested it,the same.I've been the kid who lives only to see another day of school and also the kid who is so sickened by it,they need a break to create breathing space.It's the place that's so full of love and so full of crap,and you put up with all of it because you don't know better and you don't really want to.
I wish I could deduce a definition for all that runs through my mind at the moment,but after all I sum up,the truth is,I'm only in deep denial of accepting change,never been a fan,anyway.For once,though,things don't seem to be falling apart,aspects of my life seem to be adhesive to each other,making so much sense that I seem to be waiting for the next teenage catastrophe around the corner.Oh well,here's the year rolling out like blue hills in the distance,only slowly rolling into sight.
Frnwyp

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