This post is going to be a very,very long rant.So I advice you not to read it,if you have low tolerance levels for abstract musings and incessant venting.It's my version of therapy because I don't think people will ever understand.Yeah,it pretty much comes down to me being a misunderstood teenager.
I am going to confront all the thoughts and ideas swimming around my head lately,as if it were a goldfish bowl,Here.
* Inhale *
To begin with...I don't understand a lot of things,and Maybe,I am not supposed to.
I don't think life is just about living..neither is life about seeking happiness.It's somewhere between the both,if you ask me.I don't think being sad or depressed or angry is a waste of time..I think people who say so are merely stating bullshit.Because no one's life is fucking perfect and that makes us Human.
I think life is about noticing things and learning,every minute..even without being aware of it.Humaness is to want things,to feel the need for love and happiness.What is a life without the both.The purpose of life is to notice the Universe and learn its ways,and still be taken by surprise by it.Because you can never,ever know enough.
And I am happy,and I want to be.Because that's what I believe.If it were not for my happiness and slight contentment I wouldn't have an inclination towards wanting to live.I wouldn't have been so strong,survived all of it.You may say,I would have survived,but no.The need of wanting happiness,even if fleeting and momentary..and the dreams of a brighter future,of more love.More stability.They make me want to live.
So,yes,life is for living.as well as being happy.
I am going to admit a few things about myself,now...I am not one of those people who can pretend not to care,I care..maybe too much,even.I overthink and make myself sad..but we all do that,ever so often.
Also,I am very,very unoriginal.I look for inspiration,all the time.I copy styles..I let people influence me a lot.
That's who I am.
I crave for love and at the same time,I fear it.I don't know how to explain this..but that's how I am.
It's not like I am not loved..but I am greedy,and selfish.
I am a teenager,and I have fits of craziness too,and moments of absolute anger,unleashing my wild streak..all hidden behind the wise front I hold.I do stupid things,and quote other people all the time and cry a lot,pick fights,take a zillion self-pictures and have crazy,bipolar mood swings.And I don't think ANY OF IT is wrong in any way,if it makes me love myself more.
And I hold the general opinion that most people suck.Because they just do..I am entitled to,because sometimes this is my blog .And I fear they will hurt me..because I am so used to being disappointed in some of them,it doesn't event take me by surprise anymore.
And what is it with people telling me I'm either boy-obsessed or that I make everything about dating.I hate that.I mean,okay,I think about love with perfection..as a fairytale,which is kinda insane.And I like talking about it..and how I am scared of it.
IT IS NOT FRIGGIN' EASY,YOU KNOW! Being surrounded by hormone-driven teenagers who get more love than they ask for,and all you ever do is watch,and you get so sick of watching,I think up fairytales and replay them in my mind,because it gives me hope.
It's not easy.and You had no right telling me off.
And I am going to wait,and it oughta be great to change me,to shake my belief.Why should I settle for something I don't feel? Just because I don't get that love at home...that's letting the situation and my past take control over me.Define me.Only I get to define myself.
It's not because I have this perfect,abnormal image of love in my head.It's alright to want that kind of love.
I am just tired of sucking it up,and taking shit. from people..and I suck at arguments,because I'm not too great at making my point or standing up for myself,and that's how it is.
Also,I have chosen to forgive my Father..because,I almost feel sorry or him,he hasn't kn
own love either.And I'm trying so hard not to be him,by not giving love..that I'm turning into him.
So I choose not to love or hate,but forgive,instead.
Also,I'm so klutzy I get jealous of girls who carry themselves really well.It's just a fact..I drop food,and have uncombed,haywire hair all the time,and stuff like that.
And Maybe I am talking crap and I might be wrong.
The number of "I's" in this post is beginning to scare me,so I shall stop.
*Exhale*
I am going to confront all the thoughts and ideas swimming around my head lately,as if it were a goldfish bowl,Here.
* Inhale *
To begin with...I don't understand a lot of things,and Maybe,I am not supposed to.
I don't think life is just about living..neither is life about seeking happiness.It's somewhere between the both,if you ask me.I don't think being sad or depressed or angry is a waste of time..I think people who say so are merely stating bullshit.Because no one's life is fucking perfect and that makes us Human.
I think life is about noticing things and learning,every minute..even without being aware of it.Humaness is to want things,to feel the need for love and happiness.What is a life without the both.The purpose of life is to notice the Universe and learn its ways,and still be taken by surprise by it.Because you can never,ever know enough.
And I am happy,and I want to be.Because that's what I believe.If it were not for my happiness and slight contentment I wouldn't have an inclination towards wanting to live.I wouldn't have been so strong,survived all of it.You may say,I would have survived,but no.The need of wanting happiness,even if fleeting and momentary..and the dreams of a brighter future,of more love.More stability.They make me want to live.
So,yes,life is for living.as well as being happy.
I am going to admit a few things about myself,now...I am not one of those people who can pretend not to care,I care..maybe too much,even.I overthink and make myself sad..but we all do that,ever so often.
Also,I am very,very unoriginal.I look for inspiration,all the time.I copy styles..I let people influence me a lot.
That's who I am.
I crave for love and at the same time,I fear it.I don't know how to explain this..but that's how I am.
It's not like I am not loved..but I am greedy,and selfish.
I am a teenager,and I have fits of craziness too,and moments of absolute anger,unleashing my wild streak..all hidden behind the wise front I hold.I do stupid things,and quote other people all the time and cry a lot,pick fights,take a zillion self-pictures and have crazy,bipolar mood swings.And I don't think ANY OF IT is wrong in any way,if it makes me love myself more.
And I hold the general opinion that most people suck.Because they just do..I am entitled to,because sometimes this is my blog .And I fear they will hurt me..because I am so used to being disappointed in some of them,it doesn't event take me by surprise anymore.
And what is it with people telling me I'm either boy-obsessed or that I make everything about dating.I hate that.I mean,okay,I think about love with perfection..as a fairytale,which is kinda insane.And I like talking about it..and how I am scared of it.
IT IS NOT FRIGGIN' EASY,YOU KNOW! Being surrounded by hormone-driven teenagers who get more love than they ask for,and all you ever do is watch,and you get so sick of watching,I think up fairytales and replay them in my mind,because it gives me hope.
It's not easy.and You had no right telling me off.
And I am going to wait,and it oughta be great to change me,to shake my belief.Why should I settle for something I don't feel? Just because I don't get that love at home...that's letting the situation and my past take control over me.Define me.Only I get to define myself.
It's not because I have this perfect,abnormal image of love in my head.It's alright to want that kind of love.
I am just tired of sucking it up,and taking shit. from people..and I suck at arguments,because I'm not too great at making my point or standing up for myself,and that's how it is.
Also,I have chosen to forgive my Father..because,I almost feel sorry or him,he hasn't kn
own love either.And I'm trying so hard not to be him,by not giving love..that I'm turning into him.
So I choose not to love or hate,but forgive,instead.
Also,I'm so klutzy I get jealous of girls who carry themselves really well.It's just a fact..I drop food,and have uncombed,haywire hair all the time,and stuff like that.
And Maybe I am talking crap and I might be wrong.
The number of "I's" in this post is beginning to scare me,so I shall stop.
*Exhale*
Hey there! Wow, that was quite a rant! I agree with you on the fact that its human nature to get angry and frustrated on things, but you should never let it take over you, because it completely hides you inner beauty and destroys relationships. Take it from someone who has an incredibly short temper. When I get angry and feel like screaming, I look into the mirror and I see a completely different person. And its a person I really don't want to be! So don't give a damn about what others think, if they can't like you for who you are, screw them! They're not even worth it!
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