Gerontophobia is the fear of growing old.Numberless people live with it because they fear the loss of all dignity and refuse to become a responsibility to someone.Instead,they choose death.
It's not growing old I fear,for that would be a blessing,a rare grace of life even in moments of utter disgrace.
The thought of being on a boat in the middle of an endless of ocean ,half of possibility left behind,half of it,left unknown.The only assurance would be responsibility,because you're too old to have an excusable manner of letting yourself or people down but too young to be dismissed as a sheer mistake of your circumstance.
Neither the innocence of inexperience nor the full wisdom of experience contribute to the middle ages,that make it appear so lackluster.
Have you ever seen a table at a restaurant filled with middle aged men,chugging down beers to their bellies that could explode any minute by the sheer size of their ballooning and gawking at women that don't belong to them? That is revolting.
They make it appear as if happiness is not the food you ordered at a restaurant coming to your table finally,that all frustrations stem merely from the mental exhaustion of the years of expected peak performance.
I fear this loss of identity brought about by age,by knowing the half your life is over for good,that thin line dwindling between novelty and mediocrity.Half-wisdom and weary love.
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